This is a little off the wall for me to write but it came to me tonight, and I have been dealing with some darkness and I believe I will just write and see where this goes.
You may know, if you are readers of the blog or my nakama, that I have struggled with addiction and depression in the past. The addiction I seemed to beat, but it looks like depression is a lingering beast in the jungles of my mind, for now at least.
Depression is not just having the emotion of sadness. It’s not that at all really, it’s something different entirely. It’s like the world has shrank down around you and you exist in this small, unhappy, lethargic place. It’s hard to eat, you can’t sleep sometimes and some days you sleep the entire day and the whole time you worry about the things you aren’t doing. You feel every minute of every day and it is hard…
I fought it for a long time before I would even call it by it’s name and recognize it as a mental health issue. Depression can make everything seem far away and can make you unable to get yourself out of bed. The smallest tasks, such as washing the dishes, or sometimes even just checking your phone become hard— its weird you just CANT SEEM TO DO IT.
I take medicine now for my depression and it helps a whole lot. I’m 95% of the time feeling like my normal self, just every once in awhile I have a day or two where I have to deal with the dark wolf in my heart.
There’s probably a lot of you out there who deal with this same thing, or worse. I know how it hurts and how you fall into the darkness and I know the uphill, grueling battle to pull yourself out, but please keep pushing on. Know that you are special to people and someone loves you, hell if nothing else I love you because we are fellow humans locked in these bodies and on this journey together. Take each day one step at a time. The past and future are maya, an illusion. You can touch them with your thoughts but other than that they aren’t real anymore. Focus on the now and do one thing at a time. You will feel like doing nothing, but force yourself to do the things you love, that’s how you make it back. If you like to hike, make yourself go out to the trails. If you like to cook, then make yourself turn on that oven. IF you’re like me and love anime, force yourself to turn on that tv and navigate to an anime, it’s not that hard. Just press play, sit back you don’t have to do anything else. Reach out and talk to someone if you need, it’s not a weakness, it’s exactly what our friends are for…
If you read this, please today ask your s/o or anyone in your life how they are doing. Not like a casual “How are you doing today?”, that we don’t even care about the answer to. Really ask them and really listen. Sometimes people are going through something and may really need to let it out 🙂
Eventually, I would love to use my blog as a platform to raise awareness and money for mental illness and addiction research. IF you are into it and would like to be involved that would be great. I think with all of us together maybe we could save some lives!